Transforming Trauma: Episode 165

Meditation is a practice that intimidates many people. Silence, coupled with the act of observing rather than acting, often evokes emotions such as despair and loneliness. But what if we applied the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM©) to the experience of meditative silence? 

How could NARM help us deepen our capacity for intrapersonal connection, that relationship with our authentic self, and how might it unite us with others in larger group mediation settings? Can we cultivate curiosity about ourselves without attaching results to meditation, and can we apply the lessons from those encounters to our daily lives?

On this episode of Transforming Trauma, host Emily Ruth is in conversation with Alli Malnik, a NARM-trained mental health counselor who frequently assists with large meditation events held worldwide. Alli brings a NARM perspective to these sessions, which she says opens her up to meaningful connections and more expansive meditative experiences. The pair discuss Alli’s professional journey and the role that NARM played in her personal healing. Alli also shares observations from her event work on efforting and discomfort and explains how she incorporates NARM themes of connection, curiosity, and trust to extend the meditative benefits beyond these organized gatherings.

“It’s all about giving ourselves compassion,” Alli says, referring to the practice of meditation. She notes that as humans, we have a habit of pushing positive outcomes rather than allowing experiences to unfold, however complex or uncomfortable they become. “What I’ve learned, even within my clients, is that sometimes curiosity can be really triggering for people,” she acknowledges. That pressure becomes amplified in spaces where thousands of participants have gathered to meditate, especially if you’re new to the practice. 

The only remedy, says Alli, is to stay engaged in the process. “Speaking from my own experience, the goal is to not push you over the edge. I think we sometimes do that ourselves. It’s about getting close to the edge and having a new experience, even if it’s unknown. That experience, in itself, of unknown can be a really big trigger.” 

Alli credits her NARM clinical training with helping her hold space during these mass meditative events so folks can notice their edges and embrace self-compassion, even when activated. The result creates a ripple effect around the room. Connection and attunement intensify. “You’re in community with other like-minded people that are there to heal at their own capacity,” Alli explains. “You’re surrounded by people that essentially are looking for the same thing: connection.”

Alli is no stranger to the quest for connection. “I became a therapist later in life and was going through a rough time, kind of like a repeated pattern,” she admits. “Someone referred me to a NARM therapist, and I fell in love with it.” She says that after being a client of talk therapy, NARM felt like a coming home within herself. “I was like, ‘This is the missing piece for me!’”

While there are still times when she comes up against those old patterns, Alli credits NARM with helping her restore her relationship to herself. “Being a client of NARM first was such a game-changer.” This has led to increased confidence as a therapist and meditation teacher, as she carries those lessons into her private practice and meditation spaces. 

Transforming Trauma is grateful to Alli for sharing her insights about NARM and how the model can imbue a variety of mindfulness practices with a sense of deeper connection.  

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Alli Malnik, MS, LMHC, is a NARM-trained therapist licensed in Florida and Colorado. “I absolutely love what I do!” she affirms. Her current specialties focus on complex trauma, relational aspects, attachment difficulties, anxiety, and depression. She’s also trained in EMDR and assists her clients by creating a safe space to explore effective ways to relate to others. More importantly, she provides an environment where they can build a better relationship with themself. “I love working with people in deepening their passions for life and removing the blocks that are keeping them from being the best version of themselves.”

Originally from Miami Beach, Alli attended Florida Atlantic University (FAU) in Boca Raton, where she received a Bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education. “I went on to work as a fourth-grade teacher for a few years until my oldest son was born. I received a master’s in Mental Health Counseling from Nova Southeastern University in 2016,” she says, adding, “I continue to expand my learning with ongoing trainings and currently own a private practice located in Florida.”

Regarding NARM, Alli says, “These clinical trainings have expanded my understanding as a practitioner in the most profound ways.” She relies on that understanding when volunteering for large meditation events worldwide. “I get to witness and help many people transform their lives for the better.” 

In her free time, Alli enjoys the beach, hiking, football, meditation, her dogs, and spending time with her three children.