Transforming Trauma: Episode 153

Grief is a natural response to loss that all of us will encounter. For all its universality, however, our society has grown increasingly grief-adverse and avoidant. That cultural disconnect often causes us to ignore or diminish our grief, which impacts our ability to hold others in theirs. How can we deepen our capacity for grief? And how do we create space for connection amid this ordinary yet profound human experience?

One grief specialist relies on her NARM® training to reacquaint clients with their agency. In doing so, she invites their sorrow to coexist with curiosity, compassion, and gentleness.

On this episode of Transforming Trauma, host Emily Ruth welcomes Karen Ihrig, LCSW, to share her experiences working with bereaved clients while tending to her own grief. The pair discuss the differences between grief and traumatic bereavement and the speed with which our current mental health system pathologizes rather than embraces the bereavement process. They also explore the intersectional aspects of NARM and ATTEND (attunement, trust, touch, egalitarianism, nuance, and death education), the two models that Karen employs in her Phoenix, AZ practice. 

“I’m a compassionate bereavement care provider, and the foundation of my practice uses NARM as the primary intervention,” Karen explains. “A lot of my clients are people who have complex trauma, and who are very diverse and expansive but, within society, have experienced harm or sense of not belonging,” she observes, noting that they are also often navigating traumatic bereavement. 

To better understand how Karen supports her clients, it’s helpful to identify the difference between grief and traumatic bereavement. “Grief is any sort of loss that you experience. It’s not exclusive to death. It can be any season, any relationship,” Karen says. Grief honors the loss of a job or the passing of a pet as equally significant to the death of a beloved friend or family member. “When we open our hearts and connect, there’s gonna be grief on the other side. It’s a very universal experience,” offers Karen. 

Traumatic grief refers specifically to the pain and sorrow that accompany the traumatic death of a loved one. This event is defined as sudden, unexpected, or out of order. Karen names the loss of a child, a violent crime, or death by natural disaster as examples of times when trauma becomes interwoven into the experience of loss.

Regardless of the cause of one’s grief, the sorrow combined with a cultural desire to “move on” isolates the bereaved when they are in most need of connection. “Historically, we grieve in community,” says Karen, adding that grief doesn’t follow a set timeline. Instead, she proposes that folks cherish their grief as they would their most meaningful relationships––because that’s what grief is. “It’s just so intimate and transformative,” she affirms. “I feel like NARM invites that so beautifully, so naturally. There’s the intersubjectivity of let’s be human together! Let’s invite the space where grief can arise. We’re not pressuring it to be here or not be here. We’re just seeing what emerges, and then, from our own agency, relating to it and connecting to what we want in that.” 

Transforming Trauma is grateful to Karen for lending her heartful, nourishing, and joyful voice to a topic many of us are often apprehensive about engaging in. We welcome her invitation to greet grief with inquisitiveness and compassion. 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief

Dear Cheyenne––Miss Foundation

The Center for Compassion

Eternal Echoes: Celtic Reflections on Our Yearning to Belong

GUEST CONTACT & BIO

Here With You Therapy

Karen Ihrig (she/her) is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker working in private practice in Phoenix, Arizona. She is a NeuroQueer artist, griever and psychotherapist, who began practicing therapy after completing her Masters in Social Work in 2012. Karen has an eclectic approach to therapy, specializing in traumatic grief, expressive arts, and complex trauma. Her practice, Here With You Therapy, has a niche providing therapy to the neurodivergent, LGBTQ+, consensually non-monogamous, and non-traditional communities. Her work is rooted in the intention to co-create an anti-oppressive, compassionate and secure relational space, with her expansive clients, who have often endured marginalization, complex trauma and traumatic bereavement. Karen believes in the transformative healing power of intersubjective presence. She is truly honored to be together with her clients, colleagues, and communities, in shared humanity.