Transforming Trauma: Episode 147

Sex is one of the most complex barriers to true intimacy in a relationship. It’s also one of the least-discussed topics in therapy, and not necessarily because couples are reluctant to talk about it. Instead, therapists often avoid discussing sex due to their perceived lack of subject knowledge or confidence in their therapeutic skills. However, one sexologist believes that therapists have already developed a baseline competency in sex-related issues simply by being human. Those trained in the NeuroAffective Relational Model® (NARM®) are even better positioned to help couples improve their physical and emotional bonds.

On this episode of Transforming Trauma, host Emily Ruth welcomes Clinical Sexologist and Psychologist Rikke Pristed to discuss the interplay between sex, trauma, and connection (or lack thereof). What are the protective behaviors or survival styles hindering honest communication in adult relationships, and do they differ between the genders? The pair also discuss best practices for applying NARM in couples therapy and strategies for supporting a client’s capacity to move beyond the performative and experience truly mind-blowing sex.

Rikke has worked as a therapist since 1999. She lives in Denmark, where she has a private practice focused on both couples and individual adults. Rikke has recently completed her NARM Master Training and is in the process of transforming her practice into a primarily NARM-oriented practice.

“I discovered through working with sexology that a lot of people have trauma that is not sharp trauma, not from being raped necessarily, but seems like it is rooted more deeply,” asserts Rikke. That realization led her to find a modality to better integrate the nuances of a client’s lived experiences, family dynamics, and cultural influences. “I stumbled upon NARM, and it just made so much sense to me,” she said. “It’s really enriched my work tremendously.”

Sexology, for those unfamiliar with the science, is the multidisciplinary study of human sexuality. “We look both at the biology and psychology of sexuality,” says Rikke, who further describes sexology as a biopsychosocial model. “It’s more like a holistic approach to what influences our sexuality and different sexual problems. For instance, erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, something that seems really physical or biological. But, it could also be lack of desire,” she says, a challenge that might stem from a psychological issue.

NARM provides couples with a foundation for identifying patterns that have become entrenched in their relationship and play out in their sex life. But how to conduct couples therapy sessions that utilized NARM but didn’t trigger the very strategies that Rikke was trying to help her clients overcome?

She recalls asking Brad Kammer, CTTC Director and NARM Senior Trainer, the same question. “He said it would be a good idea to do individual therapy [in addition to the couples work] because the relationship would benefit from that.” And, no wonder. It’s much easier to relate to yourself, your sexuality, and your relationship when your partner isn’t in the same room.

Rikke agrees. “I started splitting up my couples, and it’s really working out very well. I’m loving it, and they’re loving it. “

Transforming Trauma appreciates Rikke for her thoughtful use of NARM in couples therapy. Her work invites couples to explore their individual desires and reconnect with one another on a more open and honest level.

GUEST CONTACT AND BIO

Website

Rikke Pristed is a clinical psychologist, a clinical sexologist and has completed the Master Training with NARM. She has been working as a therapist since 1999. She lives in Denmark and has a private practice. She works with adults and sees both couples and individuals. She sees people both in person and online. Rikke is currently transforming her practice to become primarily NARM oriented. She is 53 years old and has three grown up children and 4, soon to be 5, grandchildren.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Tell Me What You Want

Dr. David Schnarch

The Plissit Model